People-pleasing and overthinking aren’t personality flaws—they’re nervous system responses rooted in survival.
The freeze and fawn states can keep us stuck in patterns of saying “yes” when we mean “no,” avoiding conflict, or mentally spiraling.
There are practical, body-based ways to shift out of these states—without shaming yourself or forcing confidence.
Freeze doesn’t mean relaxed. It’s what happens when your nervous system is sympathetically charged (like in fight or flight) but too overwhelmed to act.
Think:
Your body feels tense, wired, and alert.
But instead of running or fighting… you shut down, go numb, or mentally check out.
You know you should speak up, decide, or move… but your body won’t let you.
That’s freeze.
Fawn is a social survival response. It’s how your nervous system tries to stay safe through appeasement.
Fawning looks like:
Saying “yes” just to avoid discomfort
Avoiding disagreement or conflict
Constant apologizing or caretaking
Putting others’ needs ahead of your own (every time)
Your body learned this pattern when connection felt safer than truth. And now, saying no can feel like a threat—even when you want to.
Yes. Overthinking is often what happens when your nervous system is dysregulated and trying to stay safe through control.
Here’s how:
Your brain stays in “what if” loops to avoid action
You mentally rehearse outcomes over and over
You delay decisions out of fear of being wrong
You mistake over-responsibility for thoughtfulness
This isn’t you being indecisive. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
You may notice:
Feeling stuck but tense at the same time
Saying yes while your gut says no
Zoning out during important conversations
Apologizing by default
Spinning mentally but taking no action
Struggling to say what you want
This is a sign your body is activated but can’t discharge the energy—a classic freeze/fawn combo.
Good news: You don’t have to force yourself into big, bold action. You just need tools that work with your body, not against it. Which is what we dive deep into in my latest podcast episode:
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