E20: Why Is It So Hard To Celebrate Yourself?

Wanna Strut Through Summer? Join us for this free live brainstorming session to streamline your summer self care to 30 minute (or less!) a day: https://www.megan-nolan.com/strut 

Many entrepreneurs would consider themselves high performing individuals. Setting big goals and charging after them, in the pursuit of impact and abundance.

While of course this is important for success, it can also lead to a relentless drive for more, with a difficulty in celebrating themselves and their progress.

Which is exactly what we're discussing today in this week's episode of the show we're diving into:

  • Where this might come from and how to shift it
  • Key questions to ask yourself to shift your mindset if/when you notice this pattern
  • The dangling carrot syndrome of the human experience

So grab your EarPods and let's go!

Make sure to grab your spot for Strut Through Summer here: https://www.megan-nolan.com/strut 

Want to learn more about me (Megan)? Check out my website here: https://www.megan-nolan.com/

 

Please find the show notes below. Since it is a transcription there may be spelling errors and/or weird grammar. Ignore that and enjoy!

00;00;00;20 - 00;00;26;23
Speaker 1
Hello and welcome to a movement of people who care so much about how they feel that they make time for themselves every day. I'm the leader of this movement and the host of this podcast, and my name is Meghan Nolan. I am a wellness coach for purpose driven Entrepreneurs and women on a mission, and I am all about helping you to be healthy, happy and sustainably successful.

00;00;26;25 - 00;01;00;09
Speaker 1
So let's jump in to today's episode that will help you to do that. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Purposeful Powerhouse podcast. Hey, do you like Thyme celebrating yourself? If you do, you're certainly not alone. If you identify as a high performing, high achieving entrepreneur, you are certainly not alone. Because many people that do also have a hard time celebrating their wins of any size.

00;01;00;11 - 00;01;22;26
Speaker 1
So that's what we're going to be diving into today, exploring where that might be coming from and how you can begin to shift that for yourself so that you can spend more time in celebration and joy. But before we do that, I have a special invitation for you. We are getting close to the end of May, and that means we're getting close to the summit, at least here in the northern hemisphere.

00;01;22;28 - 00;01;53;27
Speaker 1
And I don't know about you, but I want you to be struttin through summer, feeling strong and sexy and staying sane because you are still taking care of you. So we are doing a free alive, a brainstorming session to help you to streamline your summer self-care so that you can do that in 30 minutes or less so that you are feeling happy and energized all summer long and flowing into fall, feeling absolutely incredible.

00;01;53;29 - 00;02;17;01
Speaker 1
So I'm going to post the link for you to join us for that free workshop coming up near the end of May. And you can come and play with us and create a personalized plan to really streamline your summer self-care so that you are strutting through summer. So make sure to grab your free spot for that workshop coming up soon and come and play with us because it's going to be live and interactive and all sorts of fun.

00;02;17;03 - 00;02;54;23
Speaker 1
So let's talk about celebrations, shall we? Let me tell you where the inspiration for this episode came from first, so that you have some context. So we are two and a half weeks into the Rising Vibe series, which is a beautiful community where we come together for these mini movement sessions to help you to start your day, grounded in embodied, empowered intention, keep your body strong and healthy so you are vibrantly, authentically magnetic and confident and prioritizing your health and happiness by taking care of you first so that you can go and take care of all the other beautiful things in your life.

00;02;54;25 - 00;03;25;16
Speaker 1
So that's the container. At the beginning of the series, I gave everyone inside the container a workbook, and I had some questions about their vision so they could align their mind with their vision and their goals and then how they would celebrate themselves after we have wrapped up this series and they have accomplished their goals. And one of the beautiful women in the community came to our communication channel, which is super fun and interactive and really supportive and said, Hey, you know what?

00;03;25;18 - 00;03;50;27
Speaker 1
I'm having a really hard time with this question about how would I celebrate myself? And she said, What I'm hearing is a voice in my head that saying, why would you celebrate something that you should already be doing? And I want you to let that land for a second and think about that. If this is something that we should be doing, why wouldn't we celebrate the fact that we did it?

00;03;50;29 - 00;04;07;06
Speaker 1
Because there's a lot of things we should be doing that we probably are doing as much as we should. First and foremost. Okay, So let's just be real with that. Right? Like, I know I could probably keep drinking more water and eating more vegetables and getting more sleep and meditating more. Yeah, I should be doing all of that.

00;04;07;09 - 00;04;31;10
Speaker 1
But what we want to learn to do is celebrate what we are doing right, because it's all these little steps forward. So we had a really beautiful exploration around that, and that's what I wanted to kind of start this with. Because what tends to happen when we are high performers, high achievers, is that we have these standards for ourselves and these goals that are set for ourself.

00;04;31;13 - 00;04;55;23
Speaker 1
And we are always pushing ourselves for more, even if we achieve the goal, barely pausing to celebrate before we set the next one, and then having this constant need for more. Better, faster, stronger. All of those things that is constantly moving us forward, which I know is important, right? US is important for us to have these goals and these visions and these things that are stretching us.

00;04;55;25 - 00;05;19;29
Speaker 1
But what it's doing is what I call the dangling carrot syndrome. It's your mind sets these goals and then helps you to move towards them. And when you get closer, you're just about to take a bite of the carrot. It goes and takes it out a little bit further. So you're not pausing to celebrate how far we've come, but we're always kind of moving ourselves forward to the next thing and really creates what is often called the happy win syndrome.

00;05;20;07 - 00;05;42;28
Speaker 1
Oh, we'll be happy when we finally done all these things and and went over to this and that and the other thing. And so when we looked at where that was coming from of why would I celebrate something I should be doing? My question for you is, when you notice something like this, come up for yourself, I want you to pause and just acknowledge that feeling here.

00;05;42;28 - 00;06;01;26
Speaker 1
The thought that you can write it down, you can write this down. And then I want you to feel how it feels in your body and just acknowledge that feeling, right? Give yourself permission to feel that feeling. Because she said that it made her feel really small. It made her feel like she was doubting herself. And so we want to acknowledge that.

00;06;01;26 - 00;06;21;28
Speaker 1
We want to acknowledge our feelings because all feelings are valid and deserve to be felt. But we want to start to explore that a little bit. And so my question for you is, where have you heard or felt something like that before? So when you hear yourself saying these things like, oh, why would you do that? You're supposed to be doing that.

00;06;22;01 - 00;06;45;17
Speaker 1
We want to take a look back and keep going further and further back into your timeline, because chances are there's a younger part of you that heard something like that and internalized it, and now it has become part of the story that you tell yourself about, Oh, well, why would you do that? This is supposed to be done.

00;06;45;18 - 00;07;04;21
Speaker 1
It doesn't deserve any sort of accolades. And so I want you to take a look back and just keep going back. Whenever I heard that before, whenever I felt something like that before. And sometimes you'll have a clear memory. Maybe it'll be a fuzzy picture, or maybe it'll be just kind of this feeling or you get sometimes like you get this memory of this pair of overalls that you used to wear as a kid.

00;07;04;21 - 00;07;22;02
Speaker 1
And then like, it'll sort of trigger things because every experience you've ever had is stored in your body, in your nervous system. So we want to go into the body for this and see if we can feel this experience. And what we get to do here is after we go back and we start to uncover, Oh, where did that come from?

00;07;22;04 - 00;07;47;08
Speaker 1
Like, was that something that my caregivers, my parents, etc. said or did? Then we want to turn towards that part of ourselves. And this can come, you know, in terms of celebrating your goals or, you know, being a perfectionist or procrastination or wherever you find yourself hearing these negative thoughts, that or limiting beliefs. And this is a tool you can use for anything like that.

00;07;47;11 - 00;08;13;09
Speaker 1
So once we go back and we find that part of ourselves that heard that story, that was told that we get to acknowledge that part of ourself, we get to almost hold them in safety. So it's almost as though you're you're turning towards that younger version of yourself and you get to speak to her in the present tense from a place of safety in yourself, in your current self, in the present moment.

00;08;13;09 - 00;08;35;22
Speaker 1
So we want to create safety in your body. You can place your hands on your body and breathe. And if it's safe, you want to close your eyes and just create safety and regulation in your own current self. And then as though you were speaking to that younger version of yourself. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. That that is something that you heard, you know, and speak to yourself in this loving, compassionate way.

00;08;35;25 - 00;08;55;26
Speaker 1
It's totally valid for you to feel upset about that. It's totally valid for you to feel sad about that. I'm sorry that you weren't celebrated because you made your bed, but this is something that we're going to practice every day. But this is something that we get to, you know, really make part of our life and start to dialog differently.

00;08;55;29 - 00;09;16;13
Speaker 1
This is a practice of integration. It's a practice of inner parenting, self parenting. And so what we get to do here is we get to acknowledge that, you know, whoever your caregiver was or whoever said the story was just, you know, doing their best in the moment with what they had. And that's beautiful and we love and appreciate them.

00;09;16;15 - 00;09;49;24
Speaker 1
But we want to do is give yourself this current self, this passive permission to feel the way that you're feeling, and then begin to give yourself this unconditional love and unconditional support and unconditional praise. Because the interesting thing about the mind is that we are wired for self-protection and survival. And so it will focus, focus and fixate on the negative aspects of life in a self-protective mechanism.

00;09;49;27 - 00;10;09;26
Speaker 1
And so what happens is when we are stretching ourself, when we are evolving, when we are expanding, when we're getting to the next level in your life or your business, and you're doing things that will help you to grow and evolve as a person, that's perceived by the the mind as threatening and potentially dangerous and risky because it's new, right?

00;10;09;26 - 00;10;33;00
Speaker 1
So of course it's going to say things like, why would you celebrate that? That's silly. That's something you should be doing already, or whatever it is, because that's the protective mechanism of the ego mind that keeps you in the framework that you've been operating under. So when you are pausing, you're recognizing, you're hearing that story and then you're tracking it back of when did you first hear that and what version of me heard that?

00;10;33;02 - 00;10;53;05
Speaker 1
And you get to almost like you're looking into the past, or you can look at a picture of you as a younger version of you, a photo, which is a beautiful tool to have. So you can see your unchanging essence and speak to yourself in those loving tones and speak to that version of yourself. Acknowledge the feelings that you are feeling now that you were feeling then and then.

00;10;53;05 - 00;11;21;03
Speaker 1
What would that version of you like to say? What would you say to that version of you? Because the interesting thing about ourselves is, yes, our soul is constantly evolving, but the the soul, the spirit really doesn't have a concept of time. And so everything exists in the now. And so as you are speaking to yourself into that past version of you, chances are you're going to be saying something that the current version of you really wants to hear.

00;11;21;05 - 00;11;49;02
Speaker 1
And that's what the wisdom of the sage and the higher self is. You're channeling that to the past version of you, but you're hearing it now because the reality is we all want and need and deserve to be told that you're doing incredible things. And I'm so proud of you. And even if you haven't got to where you are trying to go yet, you have done some amazing things and you keep going.

00;11;49;04 - 00;12;10;19
Speaker 1
You've been through some shit. I know because you're human, but you kept going, right? Even just let that land. Because for me, hearing something like that sometimes from a coach or from a friend or from a community, it just it lands in my heart and I can feel my soul and my spirit expand a little bit like a flower opening.

00;12;10;22 - 00;12;37;16
Speaker 1
So when we are told these things as children, when we're modeled these behaviors of I'll keep going, work hard to do this, what happens is that, you know, because of the way our brain is being formed as a child, you witness these patterns of survival and handling stress from your caregivers. They get internalized, they get wired into your subconscious mind, and they begin to show up as these subconscious patterns of self sabotage and self protection.

00;12;37;18 - 00;13;04;07
Speaker 1
And that's the saboteurs and many entrepreneurs, our high achievers, many entrepreneurs are perfectionist, sticklers. Many entrepreneurs are pushing themselves constantly for more or have a very loud judge of the inner critic. And so and know these are all commonalities in humans. There's ten different ways we self-sabotage, age and inside the mental fitness framework, which is one of the tools that I use in the work that I do.

00;13;04;10 - 00;13;38;13
Speaker 1
And so what we get to do is you're updating your operating system every day, every time you come across something like this, and rather just then just listen to it. What we want to do is when you hear something like that and you recognize the emotional response, that's the cue from your nervous system. That feeling of contraction, that feeling of resistance or sadness or disappointment is the cue that there's something in you that gets to be nurtured and loved, that there's something in you that you get to tend to.

00;13;38;15 - 00;14;00;07
Speaker 1
And that's where we get to turn back towards that wounded part of you that didn't get to hear as a four year old that, you know, the certain things that in that moment of, oh my God, isn't so proud of me, This is so good. We do this every day. This is great. Let's do this every day. And so having that sort of celebration that you didn't get, you get to give yourself that now.

00;14;00;07 - 00;14;26;18
Speaker 1
And when you do that, you begin the deeper practice of regulating your nervous system, creating a sense of expansion, but also here's where it gets really cool. And saliency, you're actually recreating a neural pathway in your brain, which is strengthening the likelihood that you will respond. This way, this new way, this compassionate kind way in the future. And when you do that, when you create that strengthened pathway in your brain, that area thickens.

00;14;26;21 - 00;14;55;26
Speaker 1
And the area of that negative defeated critiquing task begins to get pruned away begins to weaken on a literal level of your your neural wiring, your nervous system wiring inside your brain like the brain cells. Okay. And so what we had to do is pass, breathe, create safety in your body, feel yourself grounded. And I would even invite you right now to close your eyes and you're going to take a breath in.

00;14;55;28 - 00;15;15;27
Speaker 1
And when I want you to do is just exhale and get really grounded into whatever. If you're driving, if you're if you're driving, please don't do this. Now you can just listen and do an activity later. Just close your eyes and place one hand on your chest, one hand on your belly, Breathe. And as you exhale, I want you to feel yourself getting rooted and grounded down just like a beautiful flower.

00;15;15;27 - 00;15;43;14
Speaker 1
The roots of the flower and careen down into the earth. Feel yourself getting grounded. And then I want you to breathe a little deeper. And as you breathe in, let your breath kind of flow up the center of your body. Like the stem of the flower. You're going to breathe the breath up like you're drinking the breath up like through a straw, but you're drinking it up through your body, right into the heart and feel that expansion in your heart.

00;15;43;16 - 00;16;21;08
Speaker 1
And then this is where we would if you can go to the memory, you can visualize yourself or you can use that childhood photo, begin to from this place of presence, from this place of compassion. Speak to yourself. Speak those kind loving words and really anchoring in what you would like to hear that sense of unconditional permission to be exactly where you are and who you are, that you are loved and supported, that you are valuable, that you are needed, that you are worthy, that there's so many reasons to celebrate every day.

00;16;21;08 - 00;16;41;15
Speaker 1
The fact that we have the day and that you get to trust that your divine unseen team is guiding you, that there are so many beautiful forces at play in your life to trust that even if you can't see it right now, things are unfolding exactly as they should be. And I want you to just feel how all of that lands in your heart.

00;16;41;18 - 00;17;04;27
Speaker 1
And you may find that those are the words that you might like to hear. But I want you to speak into your heart the words that really are authentically for you, that you would speak to that younger version of yourself. And as you do this, I want you to feel your heart opening, opening and opening, softening like the petals of a beautiful flower opening towards the sun.

00;17;04;27 - 00;17;39;05
Speaker 1
Feel your heart widening and lifting and feel how that changes the physical felt sense in your body. Take another big deep breath. So what we're doing there is giving all of these past, present and future versions of yourself this sense of love and support. Because as children were often told, you know, we've got to stay quiet, just have to follow the rules.

00;17;39;05 - 00;17;58;24
Speaker 1
We get to do all these things. But now that you are a conscious co-creator, a purposeful powerhouse, you know that you can use your mind. You can use your intention to begin to not only elevate and expand yourself at the deepest level, but you can really begin to shift how you're thinking, how you're showing up because you are the creator of your thoughts, right?

00;17;58;25 - 00;18;19;08
Speaker 1
And so what happens is we just work hard. Wired Right? We run on this operating system and still we start to do this sort of work where you are consciously pausing and turning towards yourself and creating safety first, because safety is a precursor to any of these changes. Why? Because we can't. If we're under stress, your body will not respond to this.

00;18;19;08 - 00;18;49;17
Speaker 1
So we want to ground and soothe and anchor ourself and then really honor yourself, honor your wins, honor this decision, honor the fact that you notice this rather than just going back into default mode that in and of itself is something to be celebrated and then begin to speak to yourself and look at the ways that you can begin to practice the ability to see these little things in your life and just do a little dance, do a little dance, get your gold stars out.

00;18;49;17 - 00;19;04;22
Speaker 1
Right. That's one of the tools that they use. And we always celebrate ourself with gold stars. It may seem silly, but it's so simple learning to just take a break and go for a walk with the dog and be present like it doesn't have to be this monstrous. Oh, I'm going to celebrate by buying myself a $5,000 purse.

00;19;04;24 - 00;19;25;20
Speaker 1
You know, maybe if that's your thing, but definitely not my thing. But, you know, some people may be going for a massage. Maybe it's having a nap, maybe it's having a little treat, you know? And so we really want to honor the fact that, sure, some of these things are things we should be doing anyway. But that means we get to celebrate the fact that we do them even more because they're important.

00;19;25;23 - 00;19;42;00
Speaker 1
Right. And so and then when there's these accomplishments of, you know, showing up, even if you didn't feel like you wanted to show up on a particular day, you get to show up and you get to honor and you get to honor your intuition. You get to really anchor the fact that, you know, every little step forward is a step forward.

00;19;42;00 - 00;20;07;24
Speaker 1
Sometimes we take some steps back and that's okay, too. But really knowing, you know, and very likely or maybe you've heard of the book, the four agreements by Don Luis Miguel, that might not be it, but it's the four agreements and one of the four agreements is always do your best. And sometimes your best is like home and it's top notch and sometimes your best is 25%.

00;20;08;00 - 00;20;39;16
Speaker 1
And that's okay, right? It depends on where you're at in your cycle and your sleep. And if you're hungry and if you had, you know, triggered or whatever, if you got a saboteur or hijacking going on, you know, like all these things. And so we just really honor that decision to show up and be present, to witness yourself in these patterns and lovingly, gently, compassionately coming back to that place of conscious decision making rather than defaulting back onto the old pathways, which really just reinforces the old pathway.

00;20;39;18 - 00;20;58;04
Speaker 1
And so, you know, remember that, you know, if you cut yourself going back and being frustrated or whatever, that if you just go back and you get frustrated again, you're reinforcing that pathway. But any time you notice yourself, even if you've made a mistake, if you go back and rather than get frustrated with the mistake, visualize, oh, you know what?

00;20;58;06 - 00;21;17;19
Speaker 1
I am really proud of myself for doing that thing today. I'm really I'm happy that I did that. I'm happy that I cut myself. I'm happy I'm doing this now. And shifting the stain rewires the pathway of celebrate. Right. And it makes me more likely that you will do that in the future. The mind is so incredibly intricate in that way.

00;21;17;21 - 00;21;49;13
Speaker 1
So learning to celebrate ourselves, dropping into that question. When have I felt this before? When have I heard this before? Right. And being intentional about the way that you show up for yourself. So that you are creating this sense of connected awareness, so that you are consciously, consistently cultivating this connection with your self, cultivating time and space to prioritize your health and happiness so that you are grounded so that you can catch yourself in these felt states that aren't aligned with your vision.

00;21;49;13 - 00;22;15;08
Speaker 1
Right? And you can catch those those patterns because that's the signal of whether or not you're in alignment, quote unquote, or whether or not you're in an expanded state in your nervous system. Same, same, really. And so that really comes from these moments of intentionality, moments of intentionality and starting your day with yourself, because morning routines are literally the most powerful way to prioritize your health and happiness.

00;22;15;08 - 00;22;44;29
Speaker 1
Get do it first, get it done, and really set the tone for the whole day. And then that gives you that intentional start and it really creates this spaciousness around yourself so that you are anchored in that. So you're able to handle challenges, you're able to catch yourself in these patterns because we all have them, right? Whether you identify as a hyper achiever or not, or a high performer or not, we all have these patterns that we get to begin to witness and shift if you want, or if you're cool with them, you're fine with it, then leave it.

00;22;45;01 - 00;23;14;06
Speaker 1
But as someone who's on a journey of expansion and growth and evolution, learning to turn, you turn, turn towards yourself. Ooh, that's luck. And give yourself what you need. Both the past version of yourself and very likely the current version of yourself. That's really this work of nervous system expansion. And so that's the practice, right? That's the practice of self-awareness and self-acceptance and ultimately self-love, which is the journey of yoga.

00;23;14;08 - 00;23;42;27
Speaker 1
So beautiful way to bring that to a close. But I really want to celebrate you for being here. I want to celebrate you for everything that you're doing in the world, because you deserve that, right. And just keep an eye for the mind. Who wants to not celebrate and keep you exactly where you are? Because what it's indicating is an opportunity to look, an opportunity to heal and opportunity to begin to cultivate more compassionate self awareness on your journey.

00;23;42;29 - 00;24;05;23
Speaker 1
So that's what I have for you today. Thank you for taking the time to learn to use your mind like a powerful tool it is and think on purpose and move your body to keep it strong and healthy so that you can show up on purpose as the purposeful powerhouse that you are. We talked a little bit about morning routines and the importance of setting the tone for the day and really dropping into that energy because you are the driving force in your business.

00;24;05;26 - 00;24;28;25
Speaker 1
And when you are feeling good, everything else benefits. So make sure to grab your spot for straight into summer. And we would love to have you come and play with us for that live and interactive brainstorming session happening at the end of May. So until next time, take care. Latvala Thank you so much for listening. I hope you really enjoyed this episode and got a lot out of it.

00;24;28;27 - 00;24;50;23
Speaker 1
Please let me know what landed for you by taking a screenshot and sharing your takeaways on your Instagram stories. Make sure to tag me at I am Megan Nolan for a shout out and future episodes and don't forget to grab all the goodies that we mentioned during the episode because you're going to love them. So all the links are in the show notes.

00;24;50;25 - 00;24;55;27
Speaker 1
So until next time, cheers to you. Living on purpose every day.

 

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